Hmmm, I sensed more grumbles than cheers at my headline selection for this post. Well, no fears, I’m right there with you.
I can’t say this “holiday” has ever been a particularly good one for me…even when I was dating someone.
There is however one Valentine’s Day that sticks out as the best I ever had. Which is odd, because when I think about it, I’ve only told a handful of people about it…until now.
The year was 2003. My best friend and I were meeting for drinks at our favorite watering hole, Ciel Rouge, which was located on 7th Avenue between 20th and 21st Streets. This bar was the beginning and many times the last stop on a night of debauchery for us back in the day. The bar, sadly since closed, was owned by Michael Imperioli, known best to most as Christopher Moltisanti of The Sopranos. Mr. Imperioli went to the same college as my best friend, as did one of the bar tenders. So it was a very friendly environment for us.
The drinks were always fantastic (and reasonably priced), and the music…at least when we were in attendance, was always a great mix of new age classics. During the summer months, we would go to the bar on a Friday or Saturday evening, sit out on the back patio and play cards (for fun of course), ’til all hours of the night…laughing and drinking the night away.
Ahhh, youth.
By 2003, our group had slowly dwindled away. There was no “break-up,” it was just the natural course of things. I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, but I was talking with someone who had literally knocked me off my feet with humor, wit, love of sports, excellent music taste…the complete package. Well, there was this questionable love of American Idol, but we were able to joke about it so that made it OK. I was excited to tell my best friend all about it, but I wasn’t sure how to. It had been sometime since I last spoke about someone I was interested in with him. I knew he’d be excited for me, but this was going to be somewhat of a double whammy – coming out to him and telling him that I was interested in a guy.
Oh, did I forget to mention I was still in the closet at this time? Whoops, my bad.
Yes…it wasn’t until late 2001 when my struggle with “who the hell am I?” started. Throughout most of 2002, I found myself being more and more attracted to men. It was the ultimate battle – good vs. evil. My fear was that evil was winning. Yes, I too at one time believed the nonsense that being gay was a sin, blah, blah, blah. Plus there was the fact that I had always dreamed of getting married and having kids. Suddenly that fairy tale was being erased and a new picture was becoming more and more clear and desired. By time the fall came around, I was tired of the indecision and confusion in my life, and made the decision to see, “what if?” So, I joined Match.com, selected “Men” as my interest, and started my journey.
I met and talked with a few guys over the first couple of weeks, and as I talked to more and more guys, what can I say, it just felt right. By November, I was excited about how things were going…and then I met…him.
I still remember his Match profile picture….it was a ridiculously cute/silly photo of him sticking his tongue out. Reading his profile was like reading the best book I ever read. Sweet Jesus, he was perfect!
So perfect it took me another 3 weeks before I first contacted him. I can’t explain the fear that consumed me when I finally saw someone I actually liked.
We started chatting and quickly became very chatty and flirty with each other. Daily messages turned to frequent messages throughout the day. Then they moved on to personal email messages and then text messages. It was amazing. He was amazing.
Meanwhile, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, my best friend and I decided to get together to spend the night together. Why not? Who better to spend an over-priced night in NYC with other than your best friend? Especially when neither of you are dating anyone to take out on said night.
The evening was going fine. We were talking and joking as we always did. He caught me up on the current state of his love life, while inside I was panic stricken about how to update him on my “developments.”
Ding! The clock started running. It was my turn, and immediately I started to fumble. I told him there was someone…and I have to admit at this point things become a bit fuzzy because I was damn near the point of passing out. Suddenly it came to me. I knew exactly what I needed to say to get my point across. Problem was…I was still stumbling and mumbling and couldn’t wrap my damn brain around how to get to where I needed to be.
To this day, I couldn’t tell you how exactly I got to where I needed to be, but I remember once I heard myself says the words “Seinfeld” “Changing Sides” “Episode” my heart started to calm down. We both loved Seinfeld. In fact, back in the day, I could quote Seinfeld as well as I can can quote the Golden Girls. So I knew he’d get the reference immediately. Well, whatever I actually said worked, because he got it. What a relief!
His reaction couldn’t have been any better. Granted, I expected nothing but love and support from him, but damn those words were hard to get out the first time.
We spent the rest of the night talking about it…and drinking more. The more we talked, the more I learned that this revelation wasn’t as big as a shock to him as I thought it was going to be. OK, I admit…hearing that did cause a “what the fuck!” moment, that I got over it fairly quickly, because well he was right. And even though we always ended our gatherings with a hug and an “I love you….” both of those never meant as much to me as this did on this particular night.
It was a Valentine’s Day for the record books for sure. One that made all the others and the ones that have followed since, OK, because on this one particular day of love…I never felt more loved in my life.
Thank God for best friends. I have been blessed in this department, and I thank my lucky stars each and every day.
Oh, as for the guy…things didn’t work out for us. But, I’m very happy to say, we are still friends today. He is and always will be very special to me.
Repartee Room 
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