Sadness is a bitch

I don’t do sadness well. Who does really?

It creeps up on you when you’re most vulnerable, and latches on until it either consumes you or you find the strength to overcome it. It’s like that piece of gum that sticks to the bottom of a brand new pair of shoes…or as my fellow Seinfeld enthusiasts will attest, the “Red Dot” on a cashmere sweater that while small, can be seen by everyone.

I have always considered myself to be a happy person. Sure life has been difficult at times, but somehow I’ve always found a way to overcome the challenges I’ve had to face. 

When Daddy (my Grandfather) passed away in 1991, I was sad. A difficult 4 1/2 year battle with an illness that transformed the man I always knew as a pillar of strength, into a sickly man, had taken it’s toll. But I needed to be strong for Mom. It wasn’t until the night we spread his ashes, a month later, that I completely let go and cried on her shoulders for nearly a 1/2 hour. Sure it helped, but the sadness remained.

When Mom died, I again needed to be strong. There were a lot of things that needed to be done in a short period of time. But the reality is I was just numb from the overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. It took me a long time to recover, and I can’t really point to any one thing that brought me back other than the “gift” of time. And of course my amazing family of friends. 

There are other instances, present time included of course, but we’r not going to get into that here. 🙂

As someone who tackles problems head on and works at finding solutions, I continue to find myself at a loss when it comes to dealing with my own sadness, and it drives me insane. Especially when I have no control over what it is that’s making me sad — which let’s face it, is most of the time.

The so-called “gift” of time, which heals all wounds,  just doesn’t cut it for me. When you believe that life is precious and that each day should be lived to the fullest, I can’t help but feel like I’m cheating myself.  So I write when these moments come about and keep me awake at night, because at least I’m doing something, and it helps a bit.

I also find it’s helpful to read what others have to say on the topic. One quote that sticks out, is by a woman who clearly knew a thing or two about sadness, the incredible Jackie Kennedy. I don’t know when she said it, but she was quoted as saying,

“One must not let oneself be overwhelmed by sadness.”

I try not to Mrs. Kennedy.

In the end, maybe experiencing periods of sadness is just one of the many lessons of life. 

And then again, maybe…it just really sucks. 

Thank God for music…