Who Am I?

It’s taken me damn near (in audible) years to answer that question.

What I do know is that I’m a confident, smart, kind and caring person…all qualities I got from my Mother.

It would have been nice if she could have passed on her side of the family’s genes to me. She was a fox when she was younger, who grew into a regal black woman. My grandfather, was a very handsome man. All the ladies…and I do mean all the ladies…loved him, well into his eighties. But alas, I was given the genes of my father. That’s not a slight, he is a good looking man, but a side by side comparison with Mr. Mac…Mr. Mac wins hands down.

So what does that mean? Well I’m not the hot guy. I’ve never been the hot guy. I’m not the ugly guy, well to some at least, but I’m just not as they say striking. I tend to fall in the category of the sweet/nice guy.

I accepted this long ago because quite frankly it’s not a bad thing. Of course being gay, where looks and age seem to be the thing that matters most to a good number of guys, makes it difficult to date, but for the most part, I’m comfortable in my own skin and that’s all that matters.

That is until I put on weight. Slowly but surely over the past 10 years, I put on more weight than I ever thought was possible. I hated who I had become and felt ashamed of how I looked. For the first time in my life, my looks were the only thing I could think of. And I hated it.

So, in September 2013, I went under the knife and had what I consider to be a life saving operation. I had a lap band placed on my stomach. Six months later, I’m 100 pounds lighter with no end in sight. It was by far the best decision I have ever made.

Now you might think that has changed the way I think about my looks, but it hasn’t. Yes, I’m lighter and plan to be even lighter still, but that doesn’t make me an Adonis.

You are what you look like. You can either accept that or obsess about it. For me, life is too short to obsess over something like that.

So, while I may be the nice guy who, at times, has to work a little bit harder to get you to notice me, that’s OK.

In the end, there’s nothing shallow or fake about me. I love the man I am.

And that’s all that matters.